And it is nice to find that other nerdy/geeky person at
chance, whether it's a colleague suddenly revealing that they too love fanfiction,
or that they watch Doctor Who, or you spot someone wearing paraphernalia
for your fandom of choice at your local store and you promptly start discussing
the intricate details of said fandom. But it's also not something that happens
a lot in regular day to day life. Regular people have a much bigger tendency to
want to talk about current events, the latest bestseller, their love life,
their family - and they really won't understand why it's so important that your
favourite character is returning for an upcoming episode, why you're counting
down the days to a new release, why you bought that exploding TARDIS carpet for
your living room, or why you'd much rather have a Game of Thrones purse than
some fancy designer one.
So, socializing can become an issue. At least that's what my
experience and the impression I've had from talking to fellow nerds/geeks has been. We tend to get more cooped up in our own homes (nothing wrong with being solitary
by choice, by the way), preferring to socialize over the internet where it's
easier to find 'your people' (or finding that to be the only option). I've felt
like that a lot. Sure, I do have some really good friends in my own area that I
do share certain interests with, but in recent years as we've grown older, life
situations have changed, work schedules have clashed, and we've generally had
less face to face interaction than in earlier years. At times I've felt like my
own social life primarily took place on the internet. And while I do have this
really great social venue of sorts by travelling to the UK for conventions
every year, it hasn't exactly solved the day-to-day loneliness that I and probably
many others have faced, because as much as we enjoy each others' company we do
not live close enough to actually socialize in person outside of those events.
I needed to find a social venue of sorts in my own area,
both because I didn't want to rely on only finding hang-times with friends who
are busier or have other social needs than I do, and also I needed a
possibility of meeting and interacting with new people to prevent the 'forever
alone' scenario that I believe otherwise most certainly would have occurred (still
can, though - finding people to interact with sadly does not guarantee actually
finding that one person to spend your life with - though it does increase the
odds compared to doing nothing). And this is the single most important advice I
have to other people who are feeling what I've felt; research your
alternatives.
One thing I've noticed with a lot of the conversations I've
had with fellow nerds/geeks/lonely people is that assumption that there are no
options, no solutions. And I think that's the wrong mindset to have, at least
until you've exhausted your possibilities. Sure, it might feel like there are
no one around you that actually like the things you do - I've felt like that at
times - but I now believe we are wrong, it just takes some looking into. Now,
my advice will be primarily geared towards nerdy and geeky things, but it can
also be translated to other kinds of interests for the non-geeks who might
stumble upon this entry of mine.
1) Check your local stores
If you have any stores focused specifically on an interest,
chances are they either have a poster wall, bulletin board or their employees
might know about groups or clubs that focus on the things you love to do. Even
local grocery stores might advertise activities happening in your local area,
so you could get lucky there. The first thing I did when I decided to make a
change in my own life was to head to the local 'geek' store in the area. I had
seen some posters hanging on one of the walls on previous visits and decided to
give them a closer inspection. There were, of course, many things that either
was intended for a different age range or simply didn't appeal to me as an
activity (I decided to focus primarily on the activity offered because it's
easier to find people you enjoy spending time with if you also enjoy the
specific activity), but two stood out. One was a monthly sci-fi and fantasy
meet-up group, and the other was a weekly board gaming club. I wrote down their
information and looked them up online to see whether they were something for
me. I went for the board gaming club first as their site was still up and still
relevant, and ended up going to the other meet-up later that year. The board
game club has since become a regular thing for me and I've expanded my social
circle immensely through it.
2) Look for local groups in Social Media
We already know that the internet is great for finding
people you share interests with, and now that social media has become such a
mainstay it's now easier than ever to connect with people in your local area.
It used to be for me that it was really hard to find for instance fellow Norwegian Buffy
fans online - sure there were some forums, but they did not last long because
the low amount of people meant discussions tended to die down once the usual
topics had been exhausted. It was much simpler to just go to international
forums as they tended to have heaps of activity, but there you would almost
never find someone from your own country, let alone your own area.
Now we have sites like facebook which has interest groups
for pretty much everything under the sun right there. All you need to do is
search for it. The local Doctor Who facebook group had enough members interested
in meeting face to face that we took up a long table at one of the local pizza
places. There's also a facebook group for general board gaming in my town
(outside of the board game club's own facebook group) where people post queries
on who is up for some gaming and then set up times and dates for a meet-up. I
believe that if you just search around you're likely to find something of
interest offered in close enough proximity that you can attend - and here
you'll have the benefit of getting to know the people before even showing up in
person.
3) Start your own
The main reason my town has such a successful board game
club as we do is because one person decided he wanted to start one when he
moved here. He reached out to other people who had the same interest, found a
space they could meet at and slowly but steadily it grew to become what it is
today. So even if you do not find anything in your area that catches your fancy
- start it yourself. Set up a facebook group with a title that includes both
the activity/interest and the name of your area, advertise for it on interest
forums, local groups, make encouraging posts for it so that it looks
interesting to people who stumble upon it - someone will be interested.
I know some of us might have prior experience setting up forums, and we've seen
many of them die down due to inactivity or people being 'talked out' - but
honestly a facebook group is so much more likely to grow over time because so
many of us are constantly on there, it's become a big part of our daily
routine. Once your group has reached a certain amount of regular activity you
can propose some face to face interaction, whether it's meeting up to see the
latest movie in your franchise as it hits the local cinema, or to play board
games at a café or one of your own homes, or just simply going for pizza and
some friendly conversation. The possibilities are there.
-
Believe me, I know it's hard, that it feels impossible, but
it's not. You're bound to find someone else who are in a similar situation, you
just need to think a bit outside the box, and not just go with the 'normal'
types of socialization (unless going out is something you enjoy). But also, do
not get desperate, do not press for a friendship if the potential isn't there.
Let things grow natural, enjoy the time you spend with other people doing
whatever activities you love and see where that leads you. The friendships that
are meant to be will develop over time.
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